You know how water reflects light, right? And how, when it's raining, and your bus is driving by a neon light, the water creates the most mesmerizing vision of glittering starlight? Well, I do.
I was born and raised in The Town North Of Nowhere. In The Town North Of Nowhere, it always felt like autumn. Life itself was always drained out of you, it was always bleak and not even the most vivid time of summer could wash away the haze that surrounded The Town North Of Nowhere.
If you, like me, were raised in The Town North Of Nowhere, you were doomed to become sacred. You couldn't round a single corner without The Almighty staring down at you, judging you and trying to right all of your wrongs. Our community was a tightly knit one, and every single town resident knew of your wrongs and sins.
As you can imagine, The Town North Of Nowhere was no place for a colorful soul. I was a gay person full of breath and light and dreams, and I was suffocating. My own parents wouldn't know of me and I was seen as an aberration.
The Town North Of Nowhere never was, and never will be, my home.
It was just an ordinary Tuesday morning. It was raining, but it was too early in the year for the neon lights to be turned on, so no glittering starlight that morning. I sighed as the peccable music flooded my ears and shrunk even deeper into the bus seat.
As I came to school, I gently removed my perfectly knitted scarf. The Town North Of Nowhere's High School was a highly esteemed school, with perfect grades, perfect students and impeccable school uniforms. Anyone could tell I did not fit in.
The Town North Of Nowhere did not just suffocate me. It had already drained me. I was just an ordinary nobody with dreams of something bigger than myself.
I had been a good student. My grades were still decent, even though anyone could tell I was slipping. School still entertained me though, but it was far from an academic interest that kept me grounded inside imprisonment.
I sat behind Liam Parker first period. He had the most gorgeous of hazel eyes, and by the looks of it, the softest lips in all of The Town North Of Nowhere. What I would have given to taste those lips back in those days.
Liam Parker was the golden boy of my year. With impeccable looks, gentlemanly charm and a witty humor, who wouldn't fall in love with him? The answer at my school; none.
It infuriated me, to know how many girls had tasted those lips already, and to know I never would.
That afternoon, I got on the train south, with just the clothes on my back and the money from my fathers safe. I still don't know what possessed me to escape that particular Tuesday afternoon. I just remember the sensation of freedom as I stepped into that train car.
The first of many people I met was Gwendolyn. A woman with the most beautiful purple hair I had ever seen. She told me she would look after me, take care of me.
And that's when my life begun.
In the cities, it was always summer. No matter how cold it got, it was leather jeans, sleeveless shirts and crazy accessories. It never got dark and we danced all through the nights.
Gwendolyn introduced me to a whole new world. A world of freedom, acceptance and chaos. I got drunk, lost my first, second and third kiss and passed out from dizziness all in my first night.
I don't know how I got so integrated in this new life so rapidly. One night I was the tenderfoot and the next I was the center of attention. I've always had the theory that I was meant for that life; that I just simply stepped up to my life's purpose.
Gwendolyn left somewhere along the way, but she will never leave my memories. As the woman behind my liberation she will always hold my eternal admiration and respect. She just happened to love women and booze more than life itself.
But as time went on and the journey continued, I created my own clique. I still don't remember how the three of us latched together. We just kind of did.
Because no woman in the world history never compared, or ever will compare, to young Tequila Love. Fierce, fearless and free loving, she was the closest thing I ever came to a best friend. She was the only person I ever came by who beat me at Flip Cup, and the only person who offered to make out with me as a consolation prize.
And then there was Aaron. Aaron, with the bluest of eyes in the entire stellar system and the sweetest of lips I ever tasted. Aaron, the only one I ever confessed to love.
We never admitted to habits. We were creatures of freedom itself. And we would never be held back.
”I am Tequila Love, and I LOVE TEQUILA!”
Tequila flipped the shot of clear liquid back, her fiery hair dancing around her, and swallowed. The whole bar cheered her on, the heels of her pumps clattering against the bar top as the liquor trickled down her throat. She released a battle cry as she finished and then tripped. She fell into the arms of a pretty brunette, much to some college guys disappointment, and that was about all I saw of her for the rest of the night.
I faced the dance floor instead, my head spinning slightly after my own one, two, maybe three, shots of tequila. The loud music swayed me and the sparkling lights danced above me. Smoke and glitter and powder filled the air and it was just another night. I wanted to walk out into the crowd of loving people and embrace the whole world, leave the faith of my own life in someone else's hands. But I was instead embraced by a set of strong arms of my own.
”You are very pretty tonight!”
Aaron's hushed shouted whisper filled my eardrums and my heartbeat instantly quickened. I turned around in his embrace, to stare into his half closed, gorgeous, blue eyes and to taste his heavy breath. His cheekbones were flushed and his hair tousled and he had never been more handsome as he pulled me closer.
”So are you!” I found my own hands caress his feverish cheek and support his swaying posture and he smiled the most genuine smile I had ever seen.
”No! You don't get it.” He leaned in closer, and I could smell him under the scent of cologne and alcohol and smoke. My heart all but stopped and then his lips touched my ear and I had to grab hold of him to not fall myself. ”You are really pretty tonight.”
He backed off so I was able to look into his blue eyes and I could only stare at them.
”Are you stoned?”
”What?” His eyebrows furrowed. ”No!” His pupils dilated. ”Not even drunk!” He tripped over his own feet but managed to stay upright. ”Tipsy at the most.”
”Is that right?” I grabbed hold of him again, my own head clearing up by the thought of leading him home. But he froze under my touch and as I looked up, his eyes were solemnly on mine.
And then his sweet lips were on mine for the first time and I could see glittering starlight inside of my eyelids.
I had an achilles heel when it came to booze. The lovely sensation of sweet liquor burning down my throat. The clarity in which all was revealed.
The only thing I loved more than booze?
If booze give you clarity, you can be sure pot put you behind a veil so thick you can barely think. I did not care and still do not care where the drugs came from. They were just there and we took advantage of it.
I lost count of how many we lost to powder. One night they would be there, having the time of their lives. And the next they would just be gone.
I miss Tequila.
She was the only person who really got me. She did not need words or gestures or looks. She would just show up whenever I needed her, no questions, no comments.
I still don't know what happened to her. I remember seeing her fiery mane leaving the bar of the night to never show up again. I would like to know what happened to her.
She was the closest thing I ever came to a best friend.
I loved Aaron.
I really did.
No one ever grabbed hold of, or will ever touch, my heart the way Aaron did.
His eyes were a galaxy all in their own, and he took me for a journey throughout the universe whenever he touched me.
It was a shame we parted the way we did. I would give everything to get the chance to say goodbye to him properly. A chance too make him understand the impact he had on me.
How madly in love with him I still was.
We lived the sinful life.
We partied. We drank. We loved.
I became one with the glittering starlight in the rain before everything ended.
Would you still love me if I told you about the habits of my youth?